At the time this is published, I will be 1 day shy of 39 weeks pregnant.
I wish I could say that pregnancy has been all roses and silver-lined clouds, but it hasn’t. It’s been 9 months of waiting and dreaming and at times dreading what is to come.
After 2 difficult births including a c-section, after walking with friends who have experienced babies born still, after losing one of my children to miscarriage, I know all the possibilities of what could happen over the course of these long months.
Even now, with a child still in my womb as I type this, I know that the next few days and weeks and months of this child’s life are in many ways out of my control. I don’t know how the birth will go. I don’t know if this child will have severe food sensitivities like her oldest brother, and how that might impact what and how we both eat. I can only pray she’ll be healthy and that things will go smoothly.
But there are no guarantees.
All the fears and doubts I’ve wrestled with during this time have brought me to the question:
How do I wait well?
What does that look like?
I can tell you what it doesn’t look like because I’ve been doing a lot of that. Moving 500 miles 6 months into the pregnancy likely didn’t help! Waiting well does not look like worrying and doubting and giving in to fear. It doesn’t look like allowing your imagination to run wild with all the things that could happen and focusing on those things. It doesn’t mean giving in to the depression and anxiety that at times comes so naturally.
Yesterday, as I didn’t wait well, these verses came to mind.
“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.”
Psalm 130:5-6 (NIV)
What are we waiting for, anyway? In any period of waiting, while we might be waiting for something specific to happen (like the birth of a child), what we are really waiting on is The Lord.
One way we wait well, as demonstrated by the psalmist, is by putting our hope in His Word.
I realized upon reflection that I had been putting my hope in things turning out a certain way, and not only is that not beneficial, that clearly wasn’t working for me! I was reminded that the only real secure hope I have is God, and one way to rejuvenate that hope within me was to reflect on His Word.
I knew I need to fill myself with His truth, and I chose to do that through worship. You may put your hope in His Word by reading the Bible or listening to it, listening to sermons, or reading a Christian book. I pulled out my guitar and started to sing.
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
This oldie but goodie has carried me through many a challenging time, and I went on from there, singing songs as they came to mind.
How can you fill yourself with truth today? In your present circumstances, what would it mean to hope in God’s Word?
“Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.”