I want to apologize for yesterday. But at the same time, I don’t.
I felt lousy about it – so much so that at 2 AM, I considered coming back and changing the post (my email list doesn’t grab and send the post until 10 AM the next day).
Then I reminded myself that there are plenty of Psalms which come from a less than hopeful place.
“Out of the depths, I cry to You.” Psalm 130
“Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy.” Psalm 143
“As the deer pants for water, so I long for you, O God.I thirst for God, the living God. Where can I find him to come and stand before him?” Psalm 42
“O Lord, don’t punish me while you are angry! Your arrows have struck deep; your blows are crushing me.” Psalm 38
Many of them end in a more hopeful place – at least we think so. Well – not Psalm 38.
“Don’t leave me, Lord; don’t go away! Come quickly! Help me, O my Savior.”
Psalm 130 does: “O Israel, hope in the Lord; for he is loving and kind and comes to us with armloads of salvation.”
But not all do. Psalm 42 actually ends with the psalmist reminding his soul where its focus should be:
“But, O my soul, don’t be discouraged. Don’t be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall again have plenty of reason to praise him for all that he will do. He is my help! He is my God!”
This is the self-talk I did with myself in the middle of the night. This is why I let yesterday’s post be what it is, and then this morning reminded myself of His new mercies (Lamentations 3:23). Because I’m not alone in my struggle to keep my eyes fixed on truth, when my soul wants to spiral into despair. I’m not the only one who fixes her eyes on what is seen instead of on what is unseen (2 Corinthians 4:18), when I don’t see tangible hope appearing in my perceptions of what I think are hopeless situations.
People throughout Scripture struggled with the exact same thing.
So with David and many others, today I choose to remind myself of this:
“I bless the holy name of God with all my heart. 2Yes, I will bless the Lord and not forget the glorious things he does for me. He forgives all my sins. He heals me. He ransoms me from hell. He surrounds me with loving-kindness and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things! My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!” From Psalm 103
Today, O my soul, choose to bless the Lord.
Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 13
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check