Day 12: Am I a Fraud?

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In the Sunday evening blog post before day 1 of this “breaking up with food” journey, I mentioned a scripture that had come to mind. Looking back over my journal, I realized I recently read it in the Keith Green biography, which then triggered my memory about a conference I attended (read that story here). I wrote it down from “No Compromise” on June 26. Then on July 12, as I was sitting in church, dreaming about eating peanut butter and jelly straight out of jars, my pastor shared the same Scripture.

“Sow righteousness for yourselves,
    reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
    for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
    and showers his righteousness on you.” Hosea 10:12

He was actually preaching about the parable of the sower, which he referred to as the parable of the soil. And the first type of soil is unplowed, or “fallow” as it is called in some translations.

And yes, I noted in my journal that the fact that I was listening to the preaching of the Word and dreaming of overeating clearly shows the division of my heart!

I will mention  as a side note here I do hear the sermon twice because I serve in both services – but still!

My pastor ended the sermon by saying that we all have these four types of soil in our hearts – and that we can be doing so well in one area or even many, but there is another area of fallow ground. You can watch the service here, including the sermon.

Oh, how true that is for me. I have always mentioned here and there, especially when speaking, my battle with food. But I guess I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like if I admit to this, and publicly commit to a journey of breaking up with food, I’d be seen as a fraud – that all that talk about freedom was just a cover-up. I mean, I even wrote a book called Learning to Walk in Freedom!

I wonder if Lysa TerKeurst felt this way when she wrote her book. She was already a well-known and popular speaker at the time.

That night, July 12, after hearing that sermon, after being reminded in several ways of this verse that meant so much to me early in my journal, after also being reminded in order to return to my first love, I had to do the things I did at first (more in this video), I committed to this journey of breaking up with food. People might think I’m a fraud, but I have no control over that. But I am choosing to be “all in” with God, and that means an undivided heart full of plowed, good soil.

Bible Reading: Romans 1-3
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

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